the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
