Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
