I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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