I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
and you fell through a lawn chair
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
