Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
