Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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