Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
