if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
