Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
