she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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