I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
