I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
