we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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