She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
