So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
