im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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