I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
