I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm having to shit out rocks
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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