theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
