He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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