Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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