I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I love having hate sex.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
