This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
