I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
it glows. i had to have it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
