Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
