I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
