I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
