Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
