I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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