I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
