So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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