I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
