I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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