you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
