Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
