i need an iv and a liver transplant
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
