Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
