She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize