I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
