Jerry, you need to find god
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
