Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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