Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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