May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
