At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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