I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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