How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize