eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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