first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
