How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
