you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize