D3 body, D1 cock
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
