Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
