my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize