Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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