the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
