remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
