He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
