Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize