i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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