My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
