You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
