I don't usually arrange sex via text message
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Couch. On fire.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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