Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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