things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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