Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you will always have a special place in my vag
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize