I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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