woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
