Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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