I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
