just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
