So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
