I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
