ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
