i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
