Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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