By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
