i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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