So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
