If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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