I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
