My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
