He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Randomize
