I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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