i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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