It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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