STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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