Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
