PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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