Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
