Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
