The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
