rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize