this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize