Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
