I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
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