Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
