yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
