seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
