This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize